It has been six months since I’ve written anything meaningful here. Delusion, setting in four weeks ago. has come this time as a flapping mouth. I keep chattering and chattering, on and on and on. It is not simply words or rambling — I am having entire conversations with myself. The characters, in my mind, are real people talking through me. I don’t hear them except through my own voice (which is to say these are not auditory hallucinations that I parrot, but actual conversations that feel channeled). I can only tell them apart, these people invading my mind, through the flow of conversation.
In addition to what they call “Singing Bowl” I am still having auditory hallucinations: Spirits talk to me through the window, converse from the fridge, and chat as cars pass. The topics this time are again as they were: Magic, Smoking (in all it’s glorious definitions), and death. Though the delusions are not as psychotically-induced as last time — I am not as separated from reality — they escalate. Spirits and the people I am channeling threaten my sanity, my life, my afterlife — quite literally.
It’s maddening and I wish it would stop.